The Meaning
by Moenokori
Summary: SHOUJO-AI!! Taiki+Yaten - Yaten's POV -- Can Yaten just get over it and tell Taiki how she feels? Oh the angst! Rated for language and homosexual relationships.


****

The Meaning

****

AN: 'Ello minna! Please, please, bear in mind that when you read this, it's my first Starlights fic, so please be gentle if you give me feedback.  
In this fic, Yaten, Taiki, and Seiya are NOT related, as I know some authors tend to write them as such. Also, this is **SHOUJO-AI**, i.e. - **A ROMANCE BETWEEN TWO FEMALES**! Does this bother you? Then don't read it. I warned you, it's your own stupid fault if you don't take heed.  
**Disclaimer**: The Starlights, Kakyuu, Kinmoku, and anything else related to Bishoujo Sailormoon is copyrighted to the lovely Naoko Takeuchi. I'm just an obsessive fan, so please don't sue. ^_^!  
**Send feedback to yue_no_miko@hotmail.com**  
--------------------------------  


I guess I was just tired of her bitching.  
Well, it wasn't really BITCHING, seeing as she rarely said more than three words to me, but…oh, damnit all, what can I call it? Moping? Laying about in obvious despair?  
Meh, that sounds too poetic. Well whatever it was, it succeeded in SERIOUSLY pissing me off. So, being the caring and easily annoyed person that I am, I confronted her about it.  
I mean, COME ON, it was so obvious that she was avoiding me. She'd be laughing with Seiya, and then I'd come in and she'd stop and get up and just _leave_. Or Kakyuu…they'd be having one of those deep, soul searching sort of talks, and she'd catch my eye across the room and turn away blushing.   
Now, maybe the blushing should have given it away, because I know for a FACT that Taiki only blushes when someone either says something really vulgar (mainly Seiya) or when someone starts talking about sex. Ha! I remember when we all tried joking with her about it the first time. She's turned as red as the Princess' hair and stuttered that she didn't think that was the proper thing for young ladies to talk about.  
God, she was so prude.  
So it was totally a shock to the system when she kissed me. I mean…I'd just wanted her to TALK to me. Not…kiss me! And her lips…gods they were soft. Like flower petals or…or…  
GAAAH! Bad Yaten! Bad! Stay focused.  
Ok, ok…so here's the story. From start to finish…well…I might leave some stuff out. A girl's gotta have bit of privacy. Snerk.

"But *WHY* is she ignoring me??"  
Kakyuu didn't even turn around to acknowledge my whining. She just continued to arrange the flowers in the vase in front of her as if it the world depended on it. I mean, I love the Princess, would gladly give up my life for her, but sometimes she has such a one tracked mind. I was standing there in pain and she just ignored me! The humanity of it all.  
"Yaten…I haven' the faintest. Why don't you go talk to her?" Kakyuu suggested. Seiya strode in then, producing a large white flower from behind her back with a flourish.   
"For you." She smiled pleasantly at the Princess, who took the plant between her slim fingers and rewarded Seiya with an affectionate peck on the cheek. I left them alone then. They always got mushy after Seiya pulled something romantic like that.  
I wandered down the hallway of the palace, and happened upon Taiki's weird, genki friend Nikyuuhin, who was happily skipping down the hallway with a book clutched in her hand. She shared Taiki's love for literature, but…their tastes differed completely. Where Taiki enjoyed thought-provoking philosophy, Nikyuuhin enjoyed trashy romance and humor. She was smart, but didn't use what common sense she had half the time. Why Taiki and she ever became friends is beyond me, but as long as she could help me find my missing comrade I wasn't about to complain.  
"Yo, you know where Taiki is?" I asked hopefully. It was the nicest I'd ever been to her.   
"She's in the library!" Moenokori chirped pleasantly. I resisted the urge to cringe. People who were constantly cheerful pissed me off.  
"Thanks," I managed as I walked (tried not to run) away from her smiling face. She just nodded and continued on her way. I'd like to think her mother was on something when she was pregnant with her. It's just not normal for someone to be so damn happy all the time.   
So I walked to the library, my hips swaying with determination. I like to think my hips are an extension of my mood. Seiya and Taiki have always said they tend to sway or move differently depending on how I feel. I just have to trust them on that, I can't really tell myself sometimes.  
I found Taiki behind a tall stack of books; her long legs propped up on the coffee table in front of her. She had on a light lavender shirt and short, cut off jeans, exposing the milky white flesh of her legs to any wandering eye. She looked rather picturesque with the glasses perched on the end of her nose as her eyes scanned the page before her with rapt attention.  
I sat in the chair beside her, waiting patiently until she closed her book and turned her attention from the printed words to me. It always sort of amazed me how she just knew when you were there, regardless of how absorbed she seemed to be.   
"What's up?" she asked, removing her glasses. I hated talking to her when she was wearing those God-awful things. You couldn't see her eyes, and Taiki did have BEAUTIFUL eyes.  
"What's up with _YOU_?" I immediately pressed, my voice a little more annoyed than I'd meant it to be.  
"Um…I was reading…"  
"Don't feign ignorance with me Taiki Kou! Why have you been ignoring me?" I demanded. What can I say? I'm a get-right-to-the-point kind of person.  
Taiki didn't look at me then, she just gave a sort of gave an uncomfortable shrug. Something that always bothered me about Taiki and Seiya was how secretive they could be. Meaning that, if either one felt uncomfortable about the topic they were getting grilled about, it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to talk. I'd never understood why people were like that. It's so much easier to just SAY it. I mean, it's gonna come out eventually anyway, right?  
"I'm sorry…if I have been…my mind's just been preoccupied I suppose."  
"With what?"  
"Books I'm reading…Earth…Kimoku…the meaning of life…"  
"…the meaning of life…?"  
"Well, yes. What's the point of living if all you're here for is to carrying on the species? AND, what's the POINT of living if the species you're helping continue is pointless as well? What's the point of living when it's so…pointless…?"  
"You lost me after 'yes'." I murmured, rubbing my forehead. I hate it when Taiki starts questioning the meaning of our existence. It's just one big headache for everyone, as we all end up chasing our tails trying to help her figure it out.  
"What brought all this on anyway?"  
"…I can't really tell you." Taiki answered, going back to her book in an attempt to hide her blush.  
As you already know, I hate being ignored, and I REALLY hate being left in the dark, so I suppose it was natural for me to get in face. LITERALLY.  
"You can tell me and you're gonna tell me NOW." I demanded, my angry cat green eyes mere centimeters from her worried violet gaze.  
"Yaten, please." She stressed, sounding a touch frantic and out of breath. It really wasn't like her. She looked like a deer caught in headlights, to coin a fraise from Earth, and it worried me. Taiki was always in control and refined. She wasn't nervous and jumpy like the woman before me. She seemed so uncomfortable.  
"What's wrong Taiki? Tell me? I want to help."  
"No. You can't."  
"How do you know if you won't tell me! Damn you, I hate it when you go all secretive on me."  
I turned away from her with an angry growl and stomped a few inches away, before I whirled back around.  
"You'd better tell me, do you understand? DO YOU? I'll never speak to you again!"   
"Don't say such rash things." Taiki pleaded softly. I looked into her eyes then and saw something so close to anguish, so akin to that of a deep, searing pain that my horrid mood quickly diminished.   
"I'm sorry. I just…I can't stand it when you or Seiya is upset with me. You're all I have."   
"Yaten!" Taiki gasped in surprise, "Baka, I'm not upset with you! Far from it!"  
She rose from her chair and came toward me, wrapping me up in a strong embrace that smelt like the morning after an intense storm. She smelt fresh, and it was comforting, oh so comforting. I buried my head in her chest, relishing in her closeness and the promise that she wasn't angry with me. I truly was afraid that she was. We all had a tendency to say things to one another without thinking, and sometimes could hurt each other deeply without knowing it.  
"I could never be mad at you," she reassured, placing a kiss on my forehead. It wasn't unlike her to kiss me like that; she did it to Seiya, and the Princess, too. I suppose it's just a mothering instinct. But when her hands tilted my head to look up at her, and when she gently placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth, I knew. I just…KNEW. I could hear her thoughts briefly at the contact, and all I felt was profound affection and deep, deep longing.  
She was in love.  
She was in love with me.  
And it scared the living shit out of me. So I ran.

I know, I know, how very cowardly of me, right? What happened to the Yaten Kou that faced down Galaxia? What happened to the young woman who saved her planet, let alone the rest of the Galaxy? Meh, she was scared stupid. Why?  
Well…ok. See I am pretty good with my emotions. I keep them in check, I'm pretty honest with how I feel, and I _usually _don't go about acting incredibly unintelligent when something as dramatic as one of my best friends telling me they're in love with me. It's just…I've always seen Taiki as my sister. My very best friend if nothing else.   
Don't get me wrong, I love Seiya. She's adorable, how could one not? But…she's got her own priorities and sometimes I'm just not apart of them. She would drop everything for me if asked but…she'd do it bitching and moaning the whole time. Granted, Taiki isn't always cheerful when she comes to my rescue either, but she ALWAYS comes, where Seiya sorta does it when it's convenient. And I understand, she's got a life, and I've got one too. I just wish it could be like before when we were a tight group. I can remember some nights on Earth, when one'd get scared and we'd all crawl into bed together. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was Seiya, very rarely was it Taiki but on occasion it was. And we'd all just cuddle together, drawing from each other the strength, or warmth, that was needed. I always felt so safe when we did that. I knew…I just KNEW that everything would work out.  
But I couldn't go to Taiki with this, and I couldn't go to Seiya. She just wouldn't understand my feelings, not like I needed them to be understood. So I went to the one person I knew would listen.

"Um…Princess? I'm not interrupting anything am I?"  
A graceful upturn of her lips.  
"Never Yaten, please, come in."   
I nodded my head in thanks and stepped away from her doorway. She was seated in front of a large vanity, her long red hair down and cascading around her slim figure in such a way that it just itched to be touched. So I did the natural thing and picked up a brush to brush her hair. Kakyuu loved to have her hair combed, it was one of her few and simple pleasures.  
"So tell me what's got you so upset?" she asked nonchalantly. I bit my lip nervously.  
"What…what would you do if someone you cared for…but didn't care for like THAT…was, um, in love with you? Or…something?"  
"Hmmm." The Princess placed a graceful finger to one side of her face, obviously pondering said thing.  
"I suppose it would depend on who was in love with me. You care for them? How much? Are they close to you, or just semi-close?"  
"VERY close." I responded, tugging her brush out of a tangle. She winced, and I apologized. She waved it off and went back to the topic at hand.  
"DO you love them? You sound very attached them."  
"I do love them, very much. Just…not like that."  
"Who is it?" she suddenly asked, catching my eye in the mirror. I looked guiltily down at her hair.  
"I…I don't know if I can say."  
"It's Taiki isn't it?" she asked softly. My fingers stopped combing through her hair, which was all the answer she needed.  
"So she finally told you?"  
"Y-y-you KNEW?" I stuttered.  
"Yes. She told both Seiya and I. She's been terribly distraught about it, too. She really never wanted you to know. She thought it would upset you."  
"Damn right it would!"  
"Oh Yaten…you're so selfish." She shook her head in dismay.  
I gapped at her.  
"Excuse me? Why am *I* selfish?"  
"Imagine how Taiki feels, knowing you know. All you can focus on now is how YOU feel, how upset YOU are."  
"I think I have a pretty damn good reason to be upset! She's in love with ME! And…I don't know how to handle that!"  
"Why?"  
"With everyone else that's confessed their love to me, they've been strangers. They don't know me, not at ALL. But…with Taiki…she does know me, probably better than ANYONE and…how does one go about telling their best friend that they don't feel the same? And doing it in a way that you're still friends?"  
"Honestly. You tell the truth about it. Your strongest attribute has always been your honesty Yaten. Everyone has always come to YOU for truth, and you know that. Taiki expects the truth from you, don't you owe her that at least?"  
"Yeah…you're right." I murmured, hanging my head. She swiveled around on her stool, and looked up at me with confidence.   
"I know you'll do the right thing." She said, taking my hand in hers. I nodded. I would do the right thing; I'd tell Taiki the truth about it all.  
And if it still ruined everything…well…sometimes that's just how life is.

I didn't think she'd still be in the library, so I headed back to the room that she had in the palace. We each head separate rooms with a bathroom and a small living quarter; the only down side was that all of our rooms were side by side. That got irritating sometimes, like when Seiya INSISTED on blasting her music at odd hours of night. At least adjoining doors connected them all, so if worst came to worst, we could always kick 'em down and kill her. Ahh, the joys of random violence.  
I knocked hesitantly on her door, and let out a terrified squeak when it was yanked open and Seiya's angry blues eyes bored into mine.  
"YOU," she seethed, "had better be here to apologize!"

"I am, I am." I said, feeling horrible. Jeez, if SEIYA was trying to comfort Taiki, she must have been pretty messed up.  
Gods, I hoped she wasn't as in love with me as I thought she was. THAT would totally suck.  
Taiki was sitting on her couch; her long, slender legs pulled up to her chest, her face hidden as it was buried in her knees. At least she wasn't crying. I don't think I could handle a crying Taiki. Do you know how many times I've seen her cry? TWICE. Do you know how weird both those times where? Incredibly weird.  
I placed an awkward hand on her shoulder, and her head shot up instantly.  
"Yaten…" she breathed. She made to move, but I motioned with my hand for her to stay still.  
"Look…I know…no, I don't know. I'm just gonna say this, and you're going to HAVE to understand, alright? I love you Taiki…but not like that. You're my sister, my best friend…but not my love. I just can't…I don't want to be uncomfortable around you, so PLEASE get that I don't think or less of you, or even any different of you, but I just CAN'T return your feelings."  
She gave a half hearted nodded.  
"I didn't think you would." She whispered, a watery smile gracing her lips. She was hurt, terribly hurt, I could tell, but she'd get better. And she didn't hate me. Whew! What a relief.

Soooooo, life went on like that for about two months. Taiki apparently got over me, at least; that is, she started talking to me again. Seiya and Kakyuu were…Seiya and Kakyuu…and me? I stayed me, which is always a good thing, ne?  
Taiki falling in love with me didn't hamper our relationship, if anything, it just made it that much stronger. I can't remember the last time we both had so much fun together, or laughed so loud. And suddenly, I was stopping and looking at her…just…really LOOKING at her. I began to wonder WHY I couldn't return her feelings. It wasn't because she was female, and it certainly wasn't because she wasn't attractive. I mean, I'm of the personal opinion that Taiki is GORGEOUS. So…what was it?  
I finally just decided that it was because she was my friend, and I didn't want to ruin our relationship. Yes. That's what it was.  
So why, when I came to get her for breakfast one morning, did I suddenly have a fit of jealousy when I found Nikyuuhin there? Taiki claimed that they'd just stayed up watching movies and had fallen asleep, but I could tell by the glowing on both their faces that this certainly wasn't true.  
I think it took all of my will power not to kick the girl out of the room and start screaming about the injustices of it all. I surprised myself even more when I didn't rip her head off when she gave Taiki a quick goodbye kiss.  
The little tramp! Oooh, how I wanted to kill her. I was, quite literally, seeing red, but when Taiki turned to me with a look of such pure happiness, I couldn't bring myself to rain on her parade.   
I mean, as long as she's happy, right?  
Right.  
At least that's what I kept telling myself.  
We finally arrived at breakfast, where Seiya immediately began to tease Taiki about being 'too loud'. Taiki just gave a bashful smile and told Seiya to shove it.  
This made me choke on the juice I was gulping down (as to keep myself from saying anything) and sputter impolitely. Taiki was so eloquently worded…it caught me off guard to hear her say that.  
"Jeez Yaten, sallow much?" Seiya asked, thumping me on the back.   
I swatted at her, and she leaned out of the way, grinning like an idiot.  
"Nah, nah!" she provoked. I was about to jump on top of her and give her the beating of her life, but Taiki's arms suddenly went around my waist and pulled me against her, her delighted laugh bubbling in my ear.  
"Don't pay her any attention Yaten," she said in an entirely too amused voice, "she's just trying to upset you."  
"And it's damn well worked!" I snapped, trying to struggle out of her grip.  
"Calm down or you'll ruin breakfast." Came Kakyuu's calm command.  
We all looked at the Princess apologetically and went back to eating like civilized people. Well, as civilized as we three could get.   
After breakfast, it was off to the training room, where today we were going to practice our fencing techniques. WHY, when in our Senshi forms we didn't even HAVE a sword, this sort of skill was needed was beyond me. But the Princess' orders rule, so I couldn't complain about it. Not like I would though. I liked fencing. You didn't have to get all hot and sweaty if you knew what you were doing.  
And besides, I looked down right ADORABLE in my fencing outfit.  
My first opponent was Seiya, and seeing as I was still peeved at her from breakfast, I kinda went a little hard on her. Meh, I hadn't MEANT to slice her cheek open like that, REALLY.  
Taiki came up next, her eyes dancing with mirth.  
"Are you going to slice me open too?" she teased.  
"Only if you piss me off." I snubbed, which made her chuckle deeply.  
We faced off, and then lunged at each other in a mutual attack.  
My best opponent had always been Taiki, seeing that she was just as addicted to this sport as I was. Her height gave her a bit of leverage over me, as her limbs were longer and she could reach farther than me. Taiki didn't have to lunge to trust at me as much I had to at her, so she didn't get tired as quickly.   
But I was lithe and sure footed, so in most ways we were equally matched.  
"Getting tired yet?" she asked, she wasn't even breathing hard.  
"Nope," I panted, refusing to give in. Hey, if the world went straight to hell, I'd still have my pride.  
"Why don't I believe you?" she taunted, her breath coming in shortened gasps.  
"SHUT UP!" I roared lunging at her, only my feet decided not to work and I went tumbling into her instead.  
We fell back onto the floor, our practice foils flying out of our hands and clattering away.  
"So I guess I pissed you off." She breathed. Her breath was warm and fragrant on my face, and it made me shiver slightly. Our chests were heaving against one another's, our hearts thumping as one.  
Her hands were around my waist, my hands resting on her shoulders. Our lips lingered millimeters apart, and for a brief instant I'd have done anything to have her lips pressed against mine.  
Letting out a squawk of surprise, I shoved myself away from her to a sitting position some feet away. My body was trembling with confusion, fear, and excitement.  
What the hell had THAT been?  
"Yaten?" Taiki asked, reaching out to me. I skittered farther away.  
"Gotta…gotta run!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and racing out of the room.

To say that I was totally confused by my sudden um…er…wantingness (is that a word? Meh, it is now.) of Taiki would probably be an understatement. I was down right DUMBFOUNDED. I mean, holy shit…I wanted her…like THAT.  
I'm not sure if it was love or just sixteen years worth of suppressed sexual urges, but whatEVER the fack it was it was freaking me out. I'd clearly; CLEARLY told her to move on…so why was I suddenly stuck on her? Ok, ok, yeah, I'm doing a lot of foreshadowing here, but…at the time I WAS completely and totally struck stupid. The kind of stupid where I went to Seiya for advice. I mean…stupid is as stupid does…

"YOU ASSASSIN! Out! Get out! Be gone with you!"  
"Aw, you big baby, it's just a little scratch!"  
"YOU SLICED OPEN MY ENTIRE RIGHT CHEEK! And those practice foils are BLUNT!"  
"Hmmm, guess that hurt a lot then."  
"Grrr!" Seiya bared her teeth at me like a dog, and I laughed merrily. Oh, she could be animalistic sometimes. And immature…stupid…the list just goes on and on…  
"Down girl, I don't want you wetting on yourself."  
"Yaten I'm gonna-!"  
"Sorry, sorry, I'm done. I actually came to visit you for a reason."  
"Yeah, to make fun of me."  
"No, that's just a perk. I was wondering…well…about you and Kakyuu?"  
Seiya blinked at me.  
"No way are you getting the skinny on our sex life! That's private!"  
I rubbed my forehead. Oh Gods, she was going to make me SAY IT. You know, IT. That I might be…well, you know. The Taiki thing.  
"Baka, I don't give a damn about that. I was just wondering how you knew. That is, KNEW that you loved Kakyuu and not Usagi or me or Taiki or whoever happened by."  
I guess she chose to ignore my insult, because a sort of glowing happiness came to her face. She smiled serenely, which was kinda new for me, so I had to sit down.  
"You know when you're in love. You just do. You feel it here," she placed a hand over her heart, "and you know it here." She tapped her forehead.  
I scowled. Oh great, poetic, philosophical crap. Where's Taiki when I need her? Oh yes, I'm avoiding her until I figure stuff out.  
"Yes, but HOW?" I pressed, unsatisfied. Seiya just shrugged a happy smile lighting up her face even more. She looked so different then, not like the girl that I bantered with, not the girl I'd grown up with for the past ten years, but…more…WHOLE.  
Dear Gods, she looked like a woman. She wasn't a girl anymore. She was a woman.  
And here I was, doomed to be immature, and with my luck, single for the rest of my life, because I wasn't let in on that secrete that made you whole. That filled you from the tip of your nose to the bottom of your toes.  
I don't like being in the dark.  
"Don't worry Yaten," she assured, catching on to the reason for the deep scowl on my face, "you'll understand it when it comes."  
"I hate you."  
"Love you, too." Seiya made kissy noises at me, which made my laugh uncontrollably for some reason. I joined her on her bed, and we laughed until tears streaked down our cheeks.

"OOOOOH! That's gonna be SO much fun!"  
I scowled at Nikyuuhin.  
"Yeah," Taiki smiled lovingly at her, "it will be."  
"Waiii! I can't wait until I get to spin you around the dance floor Love." Seiya exclaimed, pulling the Princess into her arms and proceeding to clumsily twirl her around the room. I thought she looked like she was dancing with three left feet, but with the way Kakyuu's eyes were glowing I chose not to comment.  
"Who are you going with Yaten?" Nikyuuhin asked, thumping down in the seat next to me.   
"No one."  
"Awww how come?"  
Grrr! Pity from HER? I don't think so.  
"I don't think going with some STUPID PEASANT who just hangs out at the castle all the time sounds like fun." I snapped. She looked down at her hands. The whole room fell quiet, and I could feel everyone's eyes burning into me.  
Had I said something wrong?  
Oh yeah, that comment had been a tad mean. Well, the truth is said to hurt.  
"Outside, NOW."  
Taiki grabbed me roughly around the forearm and hauled me out of the dinning room; her eyes set in an angry glare. When we got into the hall she shoved me into the opposite wall.  
"What the hell was that?!" she demanded.  
"What was what?!" I shot back.  
"What you just said to Niky back there! I don't appreciate you acting like that to her! She tries so hard to be your friend and you constantly snub her! I'm sick of you making her cry!"  
"Go to hell, Taiki! I don't need you to tell me how to act."  
"Obviously you do! You act so spoiled, Yaten! Do you even THINK of anyone else besides yourself?"  
"How can you ask that?!?"  
"How can YOU be surprised that I did? You prance around here like you own the place, make everyone miserable if it makes YOU feel better, and don't give a damn about anyone but YOU!"  
I stared at her, dumbfounded, hurt, and angry. What she was saying…all of it, was true, but that didn't mean I had to stand there and take it.  
So I slapped her.  
Which, of course, resulted in her slapping me, and then an all out bitch fight occurred.  
Seiya and a near by palace guard pulled us apart, and I struggled vainly against the grip.  
"Let me go!" I screamed. My whole body wanted nothing more than to beat the living day lights out of her, to hit her again and again until all the confusion and anger she was causing me were gone.  
"I HATE YOU!" I roared as Seiya dragged me away, "DID YOU HEAR ME TAIKI! I HATE YOU!"

Lying on my bed, an ice pack pressed to my cheek, sniffling pathetically, with Seiya gently stroking my hair, I began to understand why Taiki's words had hurt me so much.  
I was used to being called spoiled, it was the only truly hurtful thing anyone threw at me when I was being obnoxious, but to hear it from Taiki had just about ripped my heart in half. I did care, I cared about her, and it hurt that she couldn't see that.  
"Baka," Seiya whispered lovingly, "baka, baka, baka."  
"Thanks." I sniffled, my voice rough and hoarse from all the crying I'd done.  
"You know she's right don't you? About how you've been acting."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"Then how come you went so crazy?"  
"…I…"  
"Hm?" Seiya encouraged, her fingers leaving my hair to rub soothingly at my back. She could be so supportive sometimes, like now, when she was just sitting with you trying to make you feel better. And her back massages kick ass. I love them.  
"…I can't really explain it…" I purred, relaxing under her touch.  
"Try."  
"Every time I see Taiki with Nikyuuhin…I get this feeling like…I don't know, that they're wrong somehow. And I hate the way - Oh, just a little lower."  
Seiya chuckled and moved her hands just a little below the curve of my back, right about in the middle of my waist.  
"Continue." She said.  
"I hate the way that Nikyuuhin clings to her. I mean, I know Taiki WAY better than that and I know she doesn't like it when people hang all over her."  
"Yeah, your right."  
"And *I* know that she finds Nikyuuhin irritating, so why even be friends with her? Let alone screw her. I mean, I can't help what Taiki does, but I don't have to like the choices she makes, or the annoying baggage that comes along with it.  
"And another thing! What right does she have telling ME I don't care about anyone? I fought just as hard as you two did for this planet ya know! And I WAS trying to be nice to her whore."  
"Yaten!" The comforting hands were suddenly gone from my back, and I could feel Seiya glowering at the back of my head.  
"Alright, alright, she's not a whore…she's a slut."  
She thumped me on my crown.  
"Ow, ok, sheesh. She's a peasant girl I don't like 'cause she took Taiki away, happy?"  
When Seiya didn't answer, and when her hands didn't return to my back, I looked over my shoulder at her. She was gapping at me.  
"Oh…oh my God…"  
"What?" I asked, confused.  
"It makes so much sense now…all of it…that's why…AND THAT…ooooh! This is so cool!"  
"What the hell are you on about?" I asked, dumbfounded as to why she was carrying on so.  
"You," she said, placing her index finger on my nose, "are in love with Taiki."  
"The HELL?"  
"Don't you see! That's why you don't like Nikyuuhin-"  
"Actually I just don't like her 'cause she annoying."  
"-and that's why you fought with Taiki-"  
"Well, she pissed me off, too."  
"-and THAT's why you've been so bitchy lately!"  
"Who's bitchy?!"  
Seiya threw herself on me, grabbing me up in an embrace that left me choking for breath. She rolled round on the bed for a bit, taking me with her, cackling in glee.  
"Let go of me you freak! Leggo!" I cried, slapping at her hands. She just ignored me and continued to wrestle around with me on the bed.  
Someone calmly cleared their throat from my bedroom doorway. I looked up.  
"Oh, hey Princess. I wasn't trying to steal your woman, she grabbed ME."  
Kakyuu gave a giggle. It was nice, seeing the Princess laugh and be happy. She'd been sad for so long. Granted, she did have a lot to be sad about, but I'd much rather see her happy and cheerful.  
It suited her.  
She joined us on the bed, and Seiya detached herself from me to go cuddle with the Princess. I smiled at them, thinking they looked every bit of adorable.  
And suddenly I felt lonely. The kind of lonely where you feel like there was a huge gapping hole where your heart should have been. A pain burst inside my chest, burning like someone had opened me up and thrown a lighted match inside.  
"Yaten?" Kakyuu's gentle voice asked, "why're you crying?"  
I touched my cheeks and indeed found tears to be streaming down them. I hadn't realized I'd started to cry.  
"It's nothing," I sniffed, trying to scrub the tears from my cheeks, "nothing important, just something stupid. So what can I do for you, Princess?"  
I tried changing the subject, and I watched as Kakyuu and Seiya exchanged worried glances, but thankfully they didn't press the matter.  
"I was wondering if you were still going to the ball next week?"  
"Why?"  
"Taiki was wondering if you needed any help finding a dress."  
"Huh?"  
"I think it's her way of trying to apologize." Seiya offered.  
And for the life of me, I could help it as I burst into tears again.

I think I freaked Seiya and Kakyuu out pretty bad with all the crying I did. I'm not very emotional to begin with, so I can't imagine what they were thinking when I started sobbing. Two times no less.  
And Seiya was right about Taiki; I was in love with her. I couldn't stand the thought of Nikyuuhin with her, because I didn't want anyone by her side but me. It was just weird…to wake up one morning and BAM! I was in love with one of my very best friends.  
And it was just as sudden as that, too. Or maybe it'd been all along and I just never noticed it before? Meh, well, whatever it had been, or was, or will be, all that mattered was that right now I was in love with her. And the twisted irony of it all?  
She already had someone else who made her happy.  
Someone whom I made miserable just because I was jealous. I don't like being jealous, as it makes me look extremely petty. So I decided to apologize, and to _TRY_ and be nice to Taiki's whore - er, that is, to Nikyuuhin. If it wasn't me that was going to make her happy, if it wasn't me that she was going to love, I'd just have to learn to except that. I'd broken Taiki's heart once…I guess turn about is fair play…

I happily popped a candy into my mouth, nodding appreciatively at the dress Seiya came out in. It was deep midnight blue, and clung to her like a second skin. The bottom half of it flared out at the bottom, and swayed back and forth as she walked. I thought she looked rather ravishing in it myself.  
"Aww, you're a sweet piece of ass Seiya." I teased, and she actually blushed.  
"Shut up. I was just trying to look nice for the Princess. I…I…I wanna impress her."  
She actually looked embarrassed.  
"Baka, what's wrong with that? You'll knock 'em dead in that." I winked at her, "Or my name isn't Yaten Kou, which it is."  
Seiya laughed and nodded, dancing back into the changing room. I shook my head. She was such a kid sometimes.  
Currently, the three of us, that is, Taiki, Seiya and I, were at some little dress shop on the out skirts of the capital city, of which the Princess insisted we go to to get our dresses. Taiki was still browsing about in the back of the store, and I'd already tried on mine. It was silvery and long, dipping down low in the back to reveal my perfect shoulder blades. Me, vain?  
Ha, hardly.  
It was a little long, but the shopkeeper was already working on hemming it, so if Taiki continued to take her damn sweet time I might been able to take it home with me today.  
Taiki and I had made up a few days ago, and had rediscovered how deep our friendship was. We'd stayed up all night gossiping and soul searching, until we'd fallen asleep on her bed. Well, she'd fallen asleep, and I stayed up and watched her sleep. Ack, I know, how very stalkerish of me, but…I couldn't help it. She just looked so peaceful, so…BEAUTIFUL. So at peace. I finally just decided to go to sleep, as I was tired, and satisfied myself with a kiss on her forehead.  
My mind came snapping back to the present when Seiya thunked down on the floor beside me, stealing one of my candies and popping into her mouth. Her dress lay in a heap beside her.  
"We haven't even bought it yet and you're ALREADY mistreating it. Pick it up and hang it somewhere." I ordered, pointing at the dress. She sighed tiredly, picked it up, and hung it on the corner of the full-length mirror a few steps away. She came back, flopped down beside me again, and raised an eyebrow in inquiry.  
"Better?"  
"Much." I amended, unwrapping another candy.  
"Looks like Taiki finally found something," she said, pointing at our friend's retreating back as she wandered into the dressing room.   
"FINALLY."  
Seiya giggled.  
"You wanna go help her change?" she asked, leering at me and wiggling her eyebrows. I smacked her.  
"Shut up you hentai!"  
This made her laugh loudly, and she fell onto her back with a flourish of flying limbs. It would have been cute if I wasn't so irritated.  
"I told you that in confidence and now you're using it to tease me with? See if I tell you anything ever again!"  
"Oh, come on, it's just a little fun. Don't be such a tight ass."  
My lips puckered.  
"I'm not a tight ass."  
"Are too!"  
"Are not!"  
"Are too!"  
"Are-"  
"Guys?"  
We looked up at Taiki's questioning voice, and my jaw promptly fell down to around my bellybutton.   
Taiki was dressed in a soft, shimmering light violet gown, strapless, that hugged her torso and puffed out around the waist in a Cinderella like effect. As said, I've always been a huge fan of Taiki's eyes, and the dress seemed to intensify them to a blinding beauty.  
She looked so breath taking, I…forgot to breathe.  
"OH WOW! That's AWESOME on you Taiki! Right, Yaten? …Er, Yaten? YO! KINMOKU TO YATEN!"  
I snapped out of my daze when Seiya pinched me on the arm.  
"OW! Hey, what'd you do that for?"  
"Say how beautiful Taiki looks before you give her a complex." She ordered.  
I looked up at the woman of my dreams, and for that instant the world stopped. Everything ceased to matter to me; all that was important was Taiki, who was standing before me with a nervous look of apprehension. She was afraid I'd tell her it was hideous.  
I stood, coming to stand before her, my eyes continuing to bore into hers.  
"I've never seen anything so gorgeous in all my life," I whispered, and I meant it.  
Taiki flushed and looked at the floor.  
"Thanks…" she mustered, before hurrying back to the dressing room to change. I couldn't help starring after her.  
And then Seiya broke my moment.  
"Woah…"  
I turned to her, an eyebrow raised.  
"What?"  
"You should have seen the look you two were giving each other. It was HOT."  
"Oh, shut up." I said, grabbing my bag of candies away from her reaching hand. I stomped out of the shop and proceeded to pout on a bench outside.  
Damnit…Taiki had looked so wonderful…why couldn't we just be together? I wanted to be with her so much. It was all so…stupid.  
Stupid Nikyuuhin…stupid me…stupid broken heart…

The night of the ball came, and I was hurrying back and forth in my room trying to get ready. Sure, I was all for being stylishly late, but stylishly late had come and gone about thirty minutes ago. What can I say? I'm a perfectionist when it comes to how I look.  
"Yaten, aren't you ready YET?" Seiya asked, banging on my door. I slipped on my heels, checked my reflection in the mirror one final time, before I opened the door to answer her.  
"Yes, I'm ready. Goodness child you're not wearing your hair like THAT are you?" I asked, pointing to the mop on top of her head.  
"It's…the way I always wear it…"  
"Exactly. You've gotta look nice tonight, remember? And that hair style just won't do!" I grabbed her arm and made to drag her back into my room.  
She yanked free of my grip.  
"Nuh-huh! Not tonight! If you'd been ready an hour ago, MAYBE I would have let you fuss over me, but not now. We're already EXTREMELY late, thanks to you. You're such a prima donna."  
I pouted.  
"At least I come out looking good!"  
"What's that supposed to mean?! I look good too, you said…you said…" Seiya sniffed, big tears welling up in her eyes. I frantically tried to calm her down.  
"Jesus, don't cry. I was just saying that *I* look good, I didn't mean you didn't! Come on, come on, don't cry, you'll ruin your make up."  
She gave a huge, very unladylike sniff, and nodded. I sighed in relief.  
"Are you two done yet?" Taiki's annoyed voice asked from behind me, and I turned to give her a huge, winning smile.  
"You're entirely too impatient." I teased. She gave me a once over with her eyes, then turned away, shaking her head.  
Her reaction confused me a little, but I shrugged it off and followed her down the hallway. Seiya caught up with us, and we made a grand noise as we paraded toward the ball.

Ok, ok, I know this is PAINFULLY obvious, but I'm gonna say it anyway for you special people out there.  
I don't dance.  
Not at ALL. No dancing means no getting hot and sweaty. You know me; I'm not into that physical stuff.  
Soooooooo, I've always, ALWAYS, sat happily at the table while watching everyone else twirl around. It's not that I don't know how, it's just that I don't like to.  
And the worst part about it all?  
Nikyuuhin INSISTED on sitting at the same table as us three Starlights, which I guess makes sense, as she and Taiki are a 'thing', and eating like a disgusting sow.  
Gods, the girl just did NOT know how to chew with her mouth closed. It was so gross. Even Seiya was irked by it, so she skipped dinner and went to spinning Kakyuu around the dance floor. I myself enjoyed watching them, mainly because they looked so breath-takingly happy that it made me sighed whimsically.  
That and it gave me something else to look at than the dead animal rolling around in Nikyuuhin's wide-open trap.  
She was SO unlady like, even more so than Seiya if that's possible, and it was completely, absolutely BEYOND me why Taiki wanted to be with her.   
She must be an extremely good lay.  
Kakyuu and Seiya wandered over toward us, the Princess gasping for breath, but practically glowing. Seiya helped her to her seat, then turned to me and bowed deeply.  
"Miss Yaten, would you do me the honor of a dance?" she asked, holding out her hand gracefully. I let out a giggle.  
As much as I hate to dance, I decided to go dance with her anyway. Aww hell, one dance wouldn't kill me, right? Besides, I'd do ANYTHING to get away from Nikyuuhin's loud chewing.  
"Why, Miss Seiya, I'd be pleased to." I gushed, taking her hand.  
Seiya whisked me out to the floor, and I was surprised to find her incredibly sure footed. I just relaxed into her arms and let her lead, thinking wistfully that it was Taiki whom I was dancing with.  
"She's been starring at you all night." Seiya whispered into me ear.  
"Who?"  
"Taiki."  
"Seiya quit. Don't get my hopes up, alright? She's got her cow and that's all that matters."  
"You know for a FACT that Taiki despises rude table manners as much as you do. And Nikyuuhin looks horrid in that dress. This is your chance Yaten, your chance to tell her how you feel."  
"Stop it!" I demanded, glaring at her angrily.  
"No, I don't think I will. I'm tired of you running away! You hide from EVERYTHING that upsets you or that you're afraid of. You've gotta tell her, and it's gotta be TONIGHT."  
"How corny is that, though? What am I supposed to do? Draw her away from the rest of the ball to the gardens outside and confess to loving her for no other reason than it feels right? Very cliché. And what about Nikyuuhin? I'm not the girlfriend stealing type."  
Seiya stopped spinning us around, making the couple behind us bump into her. She gave a hasty apology before turning back to me.  
"I talked to Taiki about that." she said evenly.  
"Huh?"  
"I asked her why she was with Nikyuuhin, when they seemed so different. She said…she said she was trying to forget you. She still loves you, Yaten! But she won't approach you because she thinks she's respecting your feelings. That means it's all up to you. This is your chance, go over there, take Taiki on that romantic walk, and tell her how you feel. And there'd better be one hell of a kiss at the end!" She admonished, crossing her arms over her chest as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
I looked up at; astonished at how mature, and how caring she seemed. I pulled her into a thankful embrace, placing a quick peck on her lips.  
"I so owe you."  
"You bet your ass you do. Now GO." She smiled, shoving me back toward our table.  


"So, what's up? What'd you need to talk to me about?"  
Taiki poked at blooming flower distractedly, her eyes down cast. She looked bored, as if being with me was a chore. Hopping it was an act, PRAYING it was an act, I relied on the information that Seiya had given me and took a flying leap into the abyss.  
I took her hand between my two hands, lacing our fingers together, and pulled her gently toward a cement slab near by that was used as a bench.  
"Sit," I said, tugging her down beside me.  
"Sitting."  
I took a deep breath, desperatly trying to think of a way to phrase my emotions so they made sense.  
"Um…ok…you know how some stuff doesn't make sense? Like…like when Seiya had that infatuation with Odango-san!"  
"Actually, that did make sense."  
"How so?"  
"Seiya was lonely; Usagi was kind to her. She was just desperate for affection."  
"Oh." Damnit, make it harder why don't you? "Well, ok. Let me try again."  
I racked my brain for something, ANYTHING, that would help me express what I was trying to say. I tried to imagine what Taiki had felt when she kissed me that time, how she must have felt when I found out. Her voice came drifting back to me.  
_What's the point of living when it's so…pointless…?  
_Oh! Idea!!  
"Remember when you asked what the point of living was?"  
"Yes."  
"I think I figured it out."  
Taiki scoffed.  
"Is that all? Couldn't you have waited until after the ball? I mean…Niky's in there alone and-"  
"Seiya's dancing with her, she's fine. Now shut up and listen to me.  
"You're right, there is no point to living. To carrying on a species that's bent on destruction and pain, there is no point. It's meaningless."  
"This sounds positive."  
"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"  
"Yeah."  
"So shut up already! Ahem, moving on, it's meaningless, yes…but it's meaningless as a whole."  
Taiki raised a delicate eyebrow at me in skepticism.  
"I mean that…you can't define our race as a whole, each person gives life meaning. Like…like us fighting to save Kinmoku and Kakyuu, or…Minako working so hard to become an idol because it's her dream. We give something as meaningless as our existence meaning just by working for what we believe in."  
"Where are you going with this?"  
She wasn't following. DAMN, DOUBLE DAMN!  
Ok, looks like I'm just going to have to stop being a pansy and just SAY it. I took another deep breath.  
"You, Taiki Kou, give me meaning."  
She blinked.  
"You give me a reason to breathe, to laugh, to cry…to love. You're my meaning for life. You're what gets me up in the morning and what I fall asleep thinking about at night. I…I think…NO, I KNOW, that I love you."  
She snatched her hands away from mine, taking in a breath of shock.  
I felt rather embarrassed, that wasn't the reaction I'd wanted. It always comes out different in your head.  
"How dare you!" she exploded, and I took my turn to blink at her. Well, this sucks.  
"You think just because you love me I'll just go and love you?! You're so damn selfish! You missed your chance Yaten! I'm with someone else, do you understand? I love someone ELSE!"  
She stressed the last word, as if she was trying to convince herself as well as me.  
"I understand that, but-"  
"No," Taiki raged, "you DON'T understand. You just up decided to fall in love with me, when I've been trying so fucking HARD to move on!"  
I winced. Aww, hell, I pissed her off. She never cussed unless she was thiiiiis far from the meting point.  
"If you don't feel the same just say so! Jesus Taiki, rip my heart out why don't you?"  
"Don't! Don't pull that pity shit with me!"  
"Why're you so pissed off, really?"  
"WHY?! **WHY**!?" she raved, "I was this close Yaten, THIS close to getting over you. And _now_ you decide to return my feelings. It's so easy for you, being so self centered, everything revolves around your schedule! Hmm, Taiki loves me? I'll wait five months and THEN tell her I love her back, when she's already in another relationship."  
Ok, now I'm getting pissed off. Sure, I understand that's she's upset with my confession, but she doesn't have to mock me.  
"That's uncalled for."  
"Is it? I could care less."  
"Taiki, stop it! Just stop! I told you I loved you, could you at least tell me how you feel?"  
I rubbed my forehead. I wasn't going to fight with her, I was going to remain calm.  
"I already did."  
"When?"  
"Before, you were just in Yaten-land and didn't catch it."  
"Alright, that's enough! Just-"  
"I LOVE YOU! I wake up EVERY morning and you're the first thing that pops into my head. I write love poems about you, and when I kiss Nikyuuhin, I imagine that it's you. I go around everyday wondering what it would be like to by yours…and you to be mine."  
Her shoulders slumped forward in defeated, the fight finally going out of her.  
"Then why'd you-"  
"I'm tired Yaten…I'm tired of chasing my emotions around and trying to make sense of them. I'm tired of imagining being with you, and I'm TIRED of hurting people around me because I can't have you."  
"But you can! I'm all yours, now until forever if you want."  
"Are you? Can I have every bit of your soul Yaten?"  
"I wouldn't offer it to you if I didn't want you to have it." I whispered, drawing nearer to her. Being this close to her, knowing that I was so close to having her made my pulse rush.  
"How do I know I'm not just some fling to you?"  
I took her hand and placed it on my chest, the spot right over my heart. I knew she could feel how hard it was thumping.  
"I've never felt my heart beat so fast for a fling. I say it again Taiki; you're my meaning. I love you."  
She let out a gasp of breath, tears welling in her eyes. She pulled me close, cradling my lithe frame in her taller one, holding me like I was some precious gift from the heavens.  
"Damn you," she whispered lovingly, "damn you."  
And she kissed me, and it was heaven.

"Do you need help with that box?"  
"Nah, I got it."  
"You sure?"  
She struggled with it for a bit, but then righted it and waved me off.  
"Quite. Go and find Taiki or something."  
Ouch, the remark cut like a knife. I shifted uncomfortably in front of her.  
"Oh you know I was joking. I hold no qualms between you two, happiness is happiness, and who am I to stand in its way?"  
"You read too many romance book, Nikyuuhin."  
She let out a chuckle that sounded entirely too forced.  
"Yeah, I do, but how else am I to get some romance?"  
"Are you TRYING to make me feel horrible?"  
"Perhaps. Ok, yes, just a little." She sent me a bright smile. I glared at her and crossed my arms over my chest.  
"It's working marvelously." I grumbled.  
She sat her box of things on Taiki's couch, placing a hand on each of my shoulders, and looked me square in the eyes.  
"Look, Yaten, I am incredibly hurt, and maybe just a little mad, but I' not upset with you two for loving each other. I want Taiki to be happy, and if you make her happy, so be it."  
"You're being very…mature about this all."  
"I'm used to it. My name, it means second. Second in line, life, and love. I'm kinda like a stepping stone to love for everyone. They get with me, and then find out who they really love."  
"That's so pessimistic."  
"And true." Nikyuuhin laughed, gathering up her box again. She made to leave, then turned back to me.  
"Make sure you make Taiki happy, Yaten, she's a wonderful woman. I won't hesitate to take her from you."  
We starred into one another's eyes, and came to an understanding. We weren't friends, and we weren't ever going to be. We were just in love with the same woman, and I happened to be the lucky girl who got to walk away with her.  
But, if Taiki and I ever had trouble, I knew that Nikyuuhin would be there to try and take her.  
Friendly competition…without the friendly.  
"I understand," I said, nodding. She smiled cheerfully and skipped out of Taiki's room, taking her possessions with her, but clearly leaving behind her heart.

I found Taiki in the gardens under a huge shaded tree, reading. I sat down beside her, and waited patiently for her to put her book down and give me a kiss. I didn't have to wait long.  
"Hello lovely, what're you up to?" she asked, pulling the glasses from her face. I was working on talking her into contacts.  
"I just helped Nikyuuhin move out of your room."  
The smile on Taiki's face faltered slightly.  
"Oh? Was she ok?"  
I nodded rapidly, trying to reassure her.  
"Yeah, don't worry! She was her usual, genki, annoying self."  
Taiki snorted.  
"That's good. And you didn't fight with her? I'm impressed."  
"We came to an understanding."  
"Really?"  
"Yes," I said, snuggling into Taiki's arms, my head tucked under her chin, "I understand that if I ever screw things up with you…she'll be right there waiting to make you feel better."  
My lover chuckled.  
"And will you screw things up with me?" she asked.  
"I certainly hope not."  
She chuckled again, and I heard it from deep down inside her throat. I sighed, completely and utterly content, and closed my eyes.  
Yep, life couldn't get much better than this.  
This was what Seiya meant when she said I'd know. I hoped I'd never screw things up between Taiki because I…I don't think I could live without my meaning.  
Heh, yeah, my meaning.  
I smiled up at her, and she smiled down at me, and damnit if all wasn't perfect in the world.

Fin 

--------------------------------

O.o;; Well, that was fun. XD I seriously didn't know how to finish this, so I just sorta winged it. Forgive me! ^_____^  
ANYWAY, this is perhaps my longest one shot ever, so YAY FOR EMBER! I honestly just about trashed it a few times, but I'm glad I didn't. My first TaikixYaten fic, let alone my first Starlights fic. If characters were OOC, well…I tried to be consistent, but sometimes it just depended on what mood I was in. Written over a one week period, so different moods are a given.  
If you like it please tell me so! I'd love some feedback, as I'm a little apprehensive about it. If you guys like it enough maybe I'll make myself write a sequel, and oh the ideas I have for that. =D  
Welpers, I'm done!

Ja!  
- Ember  
  
  



End file.
